Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Weaponised Attachment: How Abusers Manufacture Emotional Dependence
A 2025 study by Cambridge criminologists Mags Lesiak and Loraine Gelsthorpe, The Invisible Abuser: Attachment, Victimisation and Perpetrator Perception in Repeat Abuse, challenges traditional views of domestic violence and trauma bonding. The authors argue that emotional entrapment in abusive relationships is not a sign of victim weakness, but the result of a deliberate strategy used by abusers to exert control.
The study reframes trauma bonding as a perpetrator-driven process. Rather than relying on physical captivity or financial dependence, perpetrators manufacture powerful emotional bonds through a combination of affection, cruelty and manipulation. Their tactics blend intermittent reinforcement, grooming and the exploitation of shared trauma into a coherent form of coercive control designed to cultivate dependency.
18 women participated in the study, all financially independent and not living with their abuser. Despite their independence, they described a compelling emotional attachment that they struggled to escape. Their stories reveal three key patterns of abuse.
1. “My Two-Faced Soulmate”
Participants described partners who presented two opposing personalities: charming, affectionate and generous one moment, then cruel and demeaning the next. This unpredictable shift between warmth and hostility kept victims confused and emotionally trapped, hoping for a return to the loving version of their partner. The alternating cycle of punishment and reward reinforced dependency, mirroring the mechanisms of behavioural addiction. As one participant explained, “I kept going back because when you pull away, they give you everything you wanted.”
2. “His and My Childhood Trauma”
All of the women disclosed trauma in their own childhoods and believed their abuser had experienced similar pain. Abusers used this shared history as a form of manipulation, initially creating closeness and later turning it into a weapon. Victims were told their own pain was less significant, or their trauma was used to shame them publicly. This exploitation of vulnerability blurred the lines between intimacy and control, deepening dependence and isolating victims from others.
3. “You’re My Drug: The Magnetic Pull I Feel for You”
Many participants compared their emotional attachment to addiction, describing powerful cravings and withdrawal when separated from their abuser. Some moved cities to avoid relapse into contact. One woman said, “Being without him was worse than the abuse. It was torture—like coming off a drug.” These experiences reflect how abusers exploit the neurobiological pathways of attachment and addiction, creating cycles of emotional highs and lows that entrench the victim’s dependence.
Rethinking Trauma Bonding
Lesiak and Gelsthorpe’s findings challenge the notion that victims remain with abusers out of weakness or choice. Instead, abusers use deliberate strategies to create what the authors call “weaponised attachment.” Through calculated cycles of affection and deprivation, they engineer emotional captivity that operates without visible confinement. Survivors entrapped in this way are often overlooked by systems that equate coercion with physical restraint or financial control, yet their captivity is just as real.
These dynamics are not symptoms of pathology but the result of sustained coercive strategy. The study bridges behavioural addiction, attachment theory and grooming to show how abusers construct dependency, offering a new framework for recognising coercive control.
What This Means for Practice
Professionals working in family law, social services and domestic violence response need to recognise that coercion can be emotional as well as physical. Warning signs include fluctuating affection and hostility, emotional manipulation presented as empathy, and the use of shared trauma to maintain control. Recognising these patterns helps ensure that survivors are believed and supported, even when the abuse leaves no visible mark.
At Powell Family Law, we understand that coercive control takes many forms. We provide trauma-informed legal advice that acknowledges the complex emotional realities of abuse and empowers clients to make safe, informed decisions about their future.
If you or someone you know is experiencing controlling or abusive behaviour, contact our team in confidence to discuss your options. We are here to help you understand your rights and take the next step toward safety and independence.
Read the full article: The Invisible Abuser: Attachment, Victimisation and Perpetrator Perception in Repeat Abuse
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10778012251379423
